this week, i’m talking about bad baby names. because let’s be honest, there are plenty of douchebag parents out there that think it’s cool to name their kids things like ‘bugzapper lampshade’ or whatever else happens to be in their line of sight when it’s time to name the thing.
someone has to speak up for the babies.
i’ve picked the top 10 worst baby names that celebrities have chosen to use to ruin their kids’ lives before they even begin. these losers deserve to carry a baby is bored durtbag.
(also, these are not actual pictures of the babies named below. i just did a search for ugly babies…and over 17.5 million results popped up. yeah.)
fivehead. fail.
10. Say hello to “Spec Wildhorse Mellencamp”. yeah, this is only the 10th worse name. obviously, john was pissed that they made him add “Cougar” to get famous.
nice hat, conductor. fail.
9. Meet “Diva Muffin Zappa”. Diva actually hates trains. She was just being punished for taking the car without permission.
nice wrinkles, kenny. fail.
8. This is “Audio Science Clayton”. If Audio Science means “babies that look really old when they are born”, then these parents are dead on.
your mom's number one. fail.
7. This thing is called “Seven Sirius Benjamin”. When I look at that face, all I see is pantyhose stretched over a bowling ball.
the michelin man called, he'd like his rolls back. fail.
6. Meet “Fifi-Trixiebell Geldof”. Her parents were worried she was eating her binkie’s when they began disappearing. Turns out, she’s been storing them in her cheeks for later. There are nine in that right one.
nice 'stache. fail.
5. This is Mr. “Phoenix Chi Gulzar”. In his Durtbag, he carries old skool Santana CD’s and a shaving kit.
you kiss your mother with that mouth? fail.
4. Give a hello to “Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q Hewson”. His friends call him “EBPGQH” for short. His Durtbag is filled almost entirely with lip balm.
these aren't the droids you're looking for. fail.
3. This is “Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily” which, coincidentally is a green and has pointy flowers.
the pose doesn't fool anyone. fail.
2. As if you couldn’t tell, this is “Moxie Crimefighter Gillette”. Duh. Her Durtbag is FULL of those lace headbands and a monacle.
i make my own milk. fail.
And the worst name is “Banjo Patrick Taylor”. Moobs or not, no one deserves Banjo.
Got any names you want to add?
(also, I know I have now doomed myself to having the ugliest baby on the earth, when that time comes. i’ll put their pic on here and we’ll have a contest for the best caption. so there.)
Holy Crap!!!! You wonder why people would do that to their kids. Life is hard enough with out havin’ a crappy name! If you laugh does it mean you will have an ugly baby? I hope not and I hope I’m not going to hell. The “these are not the droids your looking for” is still making me chuckle. Do you think you could make a sign for that!?!
i know. people are so lame when it comes to names. except for william carter, though.
remember when marcus moore told us he was going to name his kid lawn? yeah.
i’m not sure if i can put that on a sign. george lucas might want a piece of it and he has enough money. i’m not giving him any of mine…
I almost had to go to blows with the brother-in-law. He tried the “Billy C. Lovelady” redneck version. It didn’t work out so well for him. And just to let you know Marcus has a girl and she is not named Lawn…I think.
These are some UGLY ASS babies; oops.