i cannot believe it’s friday again. seriously, what the heck?
today’s topic is whitney houston, who, if you weren’t aware, i am OBSESSED with this train wreck (girl squeal here). why? why the efff not, would be a better question.
whitney houston is guaranteed total nonsense 24 hours a day, seven days a week. she is more fun to watch than brit-brit and lindsay caught in a car accident with no undies. whit is legit, y’all.
it started when she did the interview with diane sawyer and made the very good point that she made way too much money to do some trash drug like crack. and how she wanted to see the receipts for the $730k she was rumored to spend on drugs. brilliant. who doesn’t send all of the receipts for something that went up their nose to their cpa? i have a separate budget for that shizzz.
i’m obsessed with only one version of whitney: the whitney with bobby b. the super sweaty, smack/nonsense talking, bobby b-praising, fan-snubbing whitney. the show ‘being bobby brown’ was like crack to me. sorry, whitney, i mean, it was like cocaine to me.
i’ve never seen someone so proud of being a) a drug addict, bad mother, former star and 2) married to a drug addict, wife beater, womanizer, multiple baby-daddy, washed-up bad pop star who’s best remembered for a song called ‘roni’, and c) naming her first born after this beefcake. (cough). i mean, seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.
i’m also obsessed with how she just doesn’t care what she looks like out in public and makes no apologies for said appearance. have you seen whit show up at an event not covered in sweat in the last 10 years? um, no. why? because that is ‘her’ look and she has nailed it; it’s perfection at this point. i can literally smell the stank coming off of her through the TV. what do you think she does with those clothes at the end of the night? my guess is she leaves them in a pile on her bedroom floor for about three weeks until they are crunchy. (gag/horrible face here).
i also love the way she talks. it’s like a mix of jive and singing (maya rudolph, i love you, you do it such justice). and it makes it sound like whatever crap she is talking about is okay, which is an incredible feat. it’s like you forget what she’s saying because you are intrigued with how she sounds because she might break into ‘i’m every woman’ at any moment.
which leads me to my last reason why i’m obsessed: she makes bobby b look like ward cleaver (gay and all). her nonsense overwhelmingly trumps bobby’s idiocy. after watching the show, not only did i love her even more, but i actually felt sorry a little sorry for him. for about 5 seconds. that girl is all kinds of crazy and mean like a junk yard dog to her fans (complete with drool). she puts bobby b in a position to make up for her circus to their fans. a few times, it got so out of hand, i thought poor b was going to have to sleep with some sad, pathetic groupies just to keep them interested. i’m pretty sure he thought he was going to have to sleep with them too. (oouull).
i’ll leave you with my favorite whit-whit moment: whitney introducing bobby b at an mtv music awards show, calling him the king of r & b. or it was something like that. you could hear crickets in the audience for about .5 seconds until the crowd suddenly realized that she obviously had a tremendous amount of something in her system and could single-handedly thrash each and every one of them in seven seconds, flat. then they cheered this weird cheer like they didn’t exactly know what they were cheering for. like maybe the couple had killed the security guards and taken over the stage unscheduled, which was my first thought.
give me your favorite whitney moments. you know you have one.