okay, for those of you who haven’t heard of the blog “how2blogger“, you should go there right meow.
each post is a “how-to” something. my two favorites so far are “how to train for american gladiators” and “how to effectively neutralize a mugee with nun chucks“. both full of fantastic and necessary information. i’ve already got my gladiator name picked out. no, i’m not telling. freaking get your own, cheater.
anyway, he’s having a contest to win $100 or $1000 or something like that for linking back to his site and doing a “how to” something. (This article is part of How2Blogger’s Super Sexy Holiday ‘How To’ Contest which you can see at How2Blogger’s ‘How To’ site.) i actually could care less if i win that, i just wanted to express my expertise on creating a durtbagz street sign. all of these blogs i read say, “become an expert on your industry so you become valuable to others”. fine. since my industry is lame street signs, i am now the official “expert” on this topic.
i guess i could have become the expert on bagz…but really, i just don’t see the future in that. “so tell us, erin, what should you look for when buying a new bag?” “well, in my expert opinion, i would rule out bags without handles or places to put things.”
so street signs it is.
here is “how to design, participate, and win the sign contest at durtbagz.com“. not as catchy as training for gladiators, but whatever. work with me, people.
step one: cut a hole in the box.
ooops a daisy. wrong set of steps…here’s mine.
step one: MAKE A FREAKING SIGN
it’s so easy, even a caveman can do it. let’s say you have no idea how to use a computer for anything but email and a coaster. fine. assuming you drive/ride with your eyes open, you know what a street sign looks like. big, black, and yellow. draw it and the funniest/most clever thing you can think of to put inside it. just yesterday, i had “RUNAWAY WHEELCHAIR RAMP AHEAD” suggested to me. funny? uh yeah. easy to write inside a sign? i think so, unless you are on said wheelchair. so, what’s the lesson here? if you can hold a pencil while traveling on a runaway wheelchair, you can create a sign. it’s just that easy.
let’s say you do know how to use your computer for the internets and wasting time (TMZ anyone?). use your “paint” application and make your own sign. i repeat: make your own sign. i got one the other day that said “DIP” on it. people, that is a real street sign. i didn’t think i was going to have to explain this, but of course, i am.
okay, you’ve got your uber funny street sign. it’s hilarious and you laugh every time you look at it. how do you get it from your computer or big chief tablet to durtbagz.com?
step two: put your junk in th- dammit.
step two: UPLOAD YOUR SIGN
but what if it is on the big chief, you say. SCAN IT. if you don’t have one, someone you know does. you can’t buy a printer these days without a scanner. and if you are a grown up and have a job, certainly your office has a scanner. and if they don’t, you should go ahead a quit because if they won’t fork out the cash for a scanner/printer, you’re never getting a blackberry. and if you never get a blackberry, you will never be able to show off how hard you work by flashing it at every public place you go. i’m serious.
so scan your drawing. THEN, go to the site and hit ‘feelin’ durty?‘. that is the contest page. PS: YOU MUST REGISTER ON THIS PAGE OR WALL OF DURTBAGZ TO PARTICIPATE. it’s cinchy, so just plug in your email and a password and the end. once you’re a durtbag, pull up the ‘feelin’ durty’ images on the album drop-down. click browse for your scanned picture. title it and hit upload at the bottom. done. if you did your sign on your computer…you do the exact same thing. you are now officially entered in the sign competition.
so…how you win?
don’t you at least want to know WHAT you win first? seriously, people.
you will win a free bag with your sign on it. and glory. the end.
step 3: HOW TO CHEAT THE DURTBAGZ SIGN CONTEST
stuff the ballot box. and stuff it good. you win by votes, my friends. if you want votes, tell your friends to go on the site and vote for you or something bad will happen to them within 15 minutes of deleting this email. seriously, get your friends to vote for you and voila, you’ll be a winner. probably for most of you, this will be for the first time in your lives. i know who reads this.
tell your friends to go to durtbagz.com and register, just like you did. then, click on your sign and vote with the stars below it. it’s easy. pictures, not words.
and that, fellow durtbagz, is how to design, participate, and win the durtbagz sign contest.