dearest, darling, durtbagz.
i spent a good portion of last week being ill and therefore, on the couch. as luck would have it, there were loads of basketball games on to keep me entertained. fantastic.
not fantastic? every single time there was a commercial break, i had to hear about jared and his 10 years of not being a total fatty anymore. and it almost wrecked my buzz.
what the heck is the deal with jared? so you lost the equivalent of an entire human being. actually, 245lbs would be an entire fat human being. what do you want, a cookie? oops…nevermind.
here’s my question: what the eff were you doing weighing 450lbs in the first place?
now, if you don’t realize how much 450lbs really is, let me explain.
this marlin weighs 450lbs.
this gorilla weighs 450lbs.
this gigantic jellyfish is 450lbs (notice guy in the background…not 450lbs.)
these things are supposed to be this big. people are not.
now you might think, geez, erin, you are being so mean to fat people.
i just think it’s stupid that some tubby mctub-face lost a bunch of weight by eating lame-ass sandwiches twice a day, because a girl he had a crush on worked there. not because he wanted to get skinny. that’s right: why did jared suddenly decide to hit up subway twice a day, instead of mcdonalds? A GIRL.
the real story, is that jared, in college during this time, got a crush on a girl that worked at the subway by his apartment. long story short, jared dropped the weight because he was a stalker. not because he had made the life decision to get thin.
what if the girl had worked at Dairy Queen? that’s all i’m sayin.
and, why doesn’t a company find someone who’s disciplined enough to be fit their whole life as their spokesperson? why do those people get punished because they never let themselves turn into jabba the hut? it ain’t right.