meet trixie and darla, or “darlixie” as they call themselves.
they’ve yet to upgrade to real instruments, but when they do, they’ve already planned on embarking on a 7-county fair tour around kansas. and they’re preparing by traveling to each county fair in advance,”you know, to map the place out.” believe me, “darlixie”, i know.
turns out, they use durtbagz for their gear on this trip. so, i decided to find out what’s in their bags. i caught up with them in kansas city last weekend (not one of their tour stops) and got the scoop. what you read next may be frightening but also informative.
we start with darla (one on the left in photo) because she happened to be siting next to me, staring at me awkwardly, not saying anything.
DB: darla, what funny street sign do you have on your durtbag?
Darla: the one with the guy going for the girls butt. (shown below)
DB: nice choice. tell me, what do you carry in your durtbag?
Darla: well, lots of stuff.
DB: okay, for instance…
Darla: my toothbrush.
DB: good. what else? as in, i need you to rattle off everything you carry in your bag with you on a trip like this.
Darla: huh. okay. (picks up bag and starts unloading). 1. one inflatable guitar so we can practice on the road 2. two pairs of combat boots for when we have to kick somebody’s ass (i start laughing. she just stares at me) 3. two white t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, one for day, one for night 4. seven big hair brushes, for the sheen 5. three cotton candy sticks-
DB: what are those for?
Darla: we’re big recyclers so we just keep them for the next fair. plus, they give you a $0.17 discount if you bring your own sitck. well, it doesn’t have to be your own, i guess. if you find one, you can use that too.
Darla: 6. family size jar of vasaline for brushing our teeth. i always get stuck carrying the jar. 7. one airplane pillow 8. my baton 9. bottle of scope-
DB: that looks a little cloudy…
Darla: we recycle that too.
Darla: 10. 1/2 pound bag of tart n tinys for breakfast for 8 days 11. and toby (she pulls out a black marker)
DB: who’s toby?
Darla: the boy that lives in my hand.
DB: that’s weird.
Darla: that’s just in the main part. in the pockets, i have four copies of bait & tackle, a stop watch, a yo-yo, and duct tape.
Trixie: my turn! my turn! looky over here!! hey, i’m over here!! look! (she’s waving at me from across the table)
DB: go ahead, trixie. first start with your funny street sign.
Trixie: OK! mine’s ‘not wet when dry’!!
Trixie: okay. i have 1. two inflatable guitars. last time we traveled, mine popped and i was done for the rest of the trip. i’ll never let myself be in that position again. 2. three toothbrushes-last time i dropped one in a public bathroom, and i put my spare in cup of chew spit, 3. four white t-shirts with the sleeves cut off- i sweat more than darla, 4. two pairs of cut-off black jeans, 5. a pair of white jeans, for if we go out on the town, 6. brass knuckles-these things work great for cutting in line, 7. two forty’s of old english malt liquor; we don’t drink beer, it’s bad for our figures (darla nods in agreement at this), 8. four bandanas, 9. a hair dryer-for when i get really sweaty.
DB: wow, that’s quite a lot in your overnight bag, there.
Trixie: well, when you go on a trip for 9 days, you need a lot of stuff.
DB: yeah, like four t-shirts.
Trixie: exactly. in the pockets, i have a notebook and pens because i love to draw. my favorite thing to draw is hands doing gang signs. i also have have a couple of hats for when we need disguises and, of course, the money. (she holds up a bag with about 10 rolls of quarters in it). darla said if she had to carry the vasaline, then i had to carry the dough.
DB: seems fair. well, ladies, have fun on your trip. i have to run and take a shower now, after meeting you two. hope you get to play real instrument soon.
Darla: (just nods at me).