i grew up in springfield, missouri and let me tell you that the kickapoo chiefs had a serious sports program. well, serious if you were a girl. boys? not so much. what? they sucked.
after all of the craziness of the season is over, all athletes look forward to the big, of the year banquet. why? uh, because you get awards, that’s why. best all around, best defensive, hustle, highest scorer, you know…awards.
however, there is one award that is dished out every year that is deceiving because it is actually one that no one wants: most improved player.
why? because most improved player doesn’t necessarily mean that you really are the most improved player on the team. i had eight seasons of sports in high school, and never did i see someone go from last person off the bench to starter. no one went from barely being able to shoot, to high scorer, right? no. and no one ever wanted this award because everyone knew what it really meant…
crappiest player on the team. yes…you know it does.
most improved was always given out to the crappiest player on the team. why? so the coaches could feel better about never playing them all season and giving them something to take away besides a big fat 0.0 for minutes played…points attempted…digs…whatever.
the most improved player award was brutal in that when it was awarded, it confirmed what everyone else was already thinking. including said player. poor little heidi might have thought she was better than sarah, but nope. it turns out, heidi actually was the worst player on the team. and now she knew it, the players knew it, the coaching staff knew it, and all of our parents knew it.
anyone that’s ever played sports knows this to be true; especially if you got that award. which i didn’t. i always got hustle, code for not super good but dives a lot.
after watching all of the events in beijing this past week and a half, i think they should award ‘most improved’ medal. then, you and the rest of the world will know for sure, that they are the worst of the best athletes in the world, because sometimes it’s hard to tell. or if you’re china, you’d be interested in a ‘most developed’ medal. as in, your gymnasts are all pre-pubescent this olympics and will have ‘developed’ more than any of the other gymnasts four years from now.
also, i didn’t change anyone’s names in this post. the worst player on our high school varsity basketball team my senior year was really named heidi and sarah was actually better than her. consequently, heidi was also not good at being a nice girl and i have no idea what happened to her after kickapoo, nor do i really care. sarah, on the other hand, was extremely good at being nice ended up going to the naval academy and running a nuclear submarine in places like the red sea. and that, my friends, is a true story.
got any other awards that are basically back-handed compliments? put them in the comments, dude!