what? you weren’t at the chicago world’s fair? slacker. lucky for you, we were.
now, you might be thinking, ‘erin, WTF are you talking about?’. i’m talking about Durtbagz being at the world’s fair in chicago.
see, bags are meant for travel, for discovery, for exploring, for going places. if you are carrying a Durtbag, you are taking your things with you while you travel somewhere else. and looking freakishly awesome while doing so.
it just so happens, that Durtbagz isn’t bound by the space/time continuum so we get to go anywhere, anytime. yeah, that’s how we roll.
what’s so interesting about the world’s fair, other than it’s a huge fair? i don’t know. maybe the fact that there also happened to be a serial killer in chicago, that no one was aware of, doing far worse damage than jack the ripper (displaying his services across the pond during the same time).
what?!? yes, it’s true. now, you’re thinking that if you would have known this before, you would have been more interested in learning about the worlds fair, right? i know, join the club.
see, so many people attended the fair, and came from all parts of the world to do so, that sometimes people just disappeared. particularly young, pretty women. and with this huge flood of people to the city and the telegraph being the main method of communication (outside of texting), it wasn’t weird to not hear from friends or family that attended the fair for weeks or months at a time.
this guy put jack the ripper to SHAME. he was clever enough to con the ladies into either marrying him or working for him. at some point, soon after, they would disappear into oblivion.
see, this guy was as smart as he was crazy. he built a house/apt complex using different contractors at different times so they wouldn’t pick up on what he was building, which was a place he could keep, kill, and discard his victims. sound proof rooms, gas chambers, and ovens that could reach extreme temperatures were all a part of it. holy creep factor…
in the end, there is no definite number of victims since so many people disappeared during the fair. and, he was so clever in getting rid of his bodies, that the evidence was few and far between. dayum. ladies, you gots to be smart, even in 1893. holla.
let’s take things up a notch, shall we? not all of the fair was about macabre. ever heard of cracker jacks? yeah, they were developed as a treat served at the fair. no wonder the prizes in those boxes suck so bad. a stick was a toy back in 1893. the worst tasting lick-on tattoos ever come from those things and now it makes sense; basically, we’re just ingesting ink. here kids, stick ’em on all over, it’s fine, it’s only poison.
part of a union, are you? well, you can thank or shake your fist at the chicago fair for that, too. it took hundreds of thousands of laborers to build this thing (dude, it took up more than one square mile and filled more than 200 buildings) and they got tired and thirsty and hungry and angry and cold and hurt. and then they quit. and then they got organized. and then they got rehired for much more money. the end.
(side note-to give you an idea of the massiveness of this thing, just one exhibit hall had enough room inside to house the US Capitol, the Great Pyramid, Winchester Cathedral, Madison Square Garden, and St Paul’s Cathedral. all at the same time. boo-ya, 1893!)
but wait, there’s more!
so, the only other world’s fair had been in paris, prior to this one. chicago’s biggest goal was to ‘out-eiffel the eiffel’ since the tower had been built specifically for the fair, and it was the biggest thing going. people kept submitting all these lame-arse ideas of taller towers to beat him. (super original, people, really?) then, this dude named george ferris from pittsburgh kept a-knock-knock-knocking at their door with this weird-o idea to put people in a big, steel wheel that took them way up in the air…yeah. turns out, the big wheel was a good idear and voila, the ferris wheel was born.
there was a ‘dedication day’, that was basically a soft-opening for the fair, before the grand opening some weeks after that. since this was the biggest thing to hit America since it’s inception, some editor decided that all of the school children in america should, in unison, offer a pledge to our country and it’s awesomeness. one that started, “i pledge allegiance to my flag and to the Republic for which is stands…”. not word for word what kids say today, but yes, the pledge of allegiance was also started at the chicago worlds fair. (name this quote: “oh, you went to GW? did you pledge?’ ‘yes…every morning.”)
is there anything that wasn’t super-sick at the worlds fair, you might ask? uh, yeah.
ever heard of the chicago stockyards? the fair was downwind…mmmmm. also, bicycles were a brand new thing, but they weren’t born of the fair. before they were two, even-sized wheels on bars, they were that one gigantor one in front with that tiny one in back. not only did they kill people on a regular basis, but they were just called a ‘wheel’. LAME. bike is soooo much better. i wouldn’t be caught dead on a wheel. unless it took me on a ride high up in the air. actually that isn’t true; the ferris wheel is by far the scariest ride at the fair for me.
so, where are they now: chicago world’s fair (insert VH-1music here):
gone. the architects and developers decided they couldn’t stand to see this incredible thing just waste away and deteriorate, abandoned after seeing it in all it’s glory. so, they burned it to the ground. except for one building.
anyone know what that building is? i’ll give you a hint: it’s a museum…
there, now, how many of you actually got smarter by reading the durtbagz blog this week? it’s a refreshing change, isn’t it? want to know more? check this out.
welcome to your new adventure.