Burger King used to suck pretty bad before the Creepy King made his debut in that random dude’s bed. now, it sucks less. don’t give me that ‘but, i love whoppers!’ bit. no one loves whoppers until the only cash they have is $3 in change in their cup holder. those commercials they put out with people demanding whoppers were meth addicts they found shooting up behind their dumpsters. those were shot in vegas, people. hello.
durtbagz was in miami (BK HQ) when they stumbled upon the gigantic face that now haunts you in your fast food dreams. here’s the deal with The Creepy King:
okay, it’s obvious why it’s a king. but why the huge head and weird/creepy look on his face?
BK has come a long way from back in the 70’s when their slogan was “burger king, where kids are king”. why kids? BK was trying to compete with this other burger chain and this even creepier mascot called Ronald McDonald and his biologically incorrect friends Mayor McCheese and The Hamburgler. Yeah, ’cause lord knows, the kids love bun-faced mayors and blindfolded meat thieves.
this way of doing things went on and on and on and on…remember BK Kid’s Club? yeah, good luck finding anyone under the age of 40 that doesn’t. btw, it was never as good as happy meal. and that’s real science.
finally, in 2003, BK hired a new PR firm and one of the folks working on the account spotted the gigantic king head on ebay. they bought it, cleaned it up, threw it on a guy and put him in weird situations with regular people. it’s kind the same sensation as carrying a durtbag around.
the creepy king has since been on leno and was in multiple ads for the simpson’s movie. he’s also been in more than a few NFL commercials, super-imposed over players like steve young and deion sanders.
based on the hugely successful geicko cave man tv show, it has been confirmed that the creepy king is getting his own feature movie. that has to fall into one of the top ten best ideas i’ve ever heard. actually, top five.
but wait, there’s more! creepy king also has his own video games. well, they aren’t really his own, he has to share them with some other BK mascot called Subservient Chicken. so weird that the games got pretty bad reviews, but if you’re dying for some creepy king/subservient chicken action, you can still download them at BK’s site for $10.99…for three. i’m sure they’re not that bad.
creepy king is pretty weird, and already not that funny anymore. (when is the last time they made a commercial with him?) i still don’t really get subservient chicken, but then again, people don’t get this so, what gives?
if you like creepy king, you’ll love durtbagz. yes, you will. oh yes you will. oh yes you will. infinity.