“Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, Clovers, and Blue Moons, Pots of Gold and Rainbows, and me Red Balloons!”
those are all marbits. what do you mean, you don’t know what marbits are? it’s what general mills calls the marshmallows in lucky charms. i think it’s kinda like when you’re introduced to someone and they say, “i’m peter but they call me ‘red’, ” and no one really calls them ‘red’.
anywho, this week, durtbagz brings you the skinny on lucky charms. mmmm, my favorite cereal that i didn’t get to eat until college, and then ate far more than my fair share in the five short years i was there.
your favorite, too? here’s why: there was a durtbag full of sugar in each bowl.
when they first launched lucky charms, there was not an ounce of sugar on the oats. actually, the first version of lucky charms, was cheerios with hunks of circus peanuts in them. whatever, i’d eat that.
anyway, in the beginning, the cereal was not loved by kids, due to the total lack of sugar. easiest sales problem to solve, ever.
general mills: kids, do you like this cereal?
(add a pound of sugar)
general mills: how about now?
basically, lucky charms are the meanest teachers gift ever.
kids loved it so much, and it was so easy to make them love it more, just by changing and adding more marbits. the circus peanuts were changed into mallows because the marketing department told them to make the cereal around a charm bracelet. brilliant, i love me some charm bracelet in the morning.
in the beginning, there were only pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers. keepin’ it real, they added blue diamonds in ’75, purple horseshoes in ’84, red balloons in ’89, rainbows in ’92, pots of gold in ’94, leprechaun hats (wtf?) in ’96, shooting stars in ’98 and an hourglass in ’08 because everyone knows those are super lucky. durtbagz suggested a ‘rabbit’s foot’ mallow, but they said that would be weird to eat. unless you are growing up in branson, missouri.
in ’06, another marbit was added sounds like it had more coloring in it then an orange durtbag. it was a door that changed color to show a key when you dumped milk on it. just to clarify, durtbagz do not change color or change signs if you pour milk on them. unless it’s chocolate.
the slogans have even changed over the years. first two are the ones we all know and love-
“they’re magically delicious!” and “they’re always after me lucky charms!”
then, these winners came along. the same people that made the rules of what you can haul in your carry on bags must have come up with these, as well. they’re that awesome.
“the chase never stops!” and “i can change time? WOW!”. i swear, i didn’t make that last one up. i wish i did.
is it any wonder that cancer and obesity are on the rise in this country? i blame lucky, you drunk, son of a…contaminate your own country! you guys consume enough alcohol to kill anything. i can say that, i’m like a quarter irish.
think lucky charms have some weird ingredients? you should see what’s in our bags.