Things to keep in your bag to dissolve a mullet fight.
If you are traveling this holiday season, it’s going to be a big enough issue just to figure out how to fit as much as possible into your travel tote bag and carry on bags. The last thing you need is to get into a physical altercation in the security line at the airport.
As Head Bag Lady at Durtbagz.com, I’ve got some suggestions on how to avoid an altercation, and some tips on items you should have in your bags in order to dissolve a difficult situation.
One way to avoid this, is to stop yourself from asking any fellow passengers or TSA agents that are sporting a mullet, if the mullet is real. Doing this, guarantees you a) a black eye, b) a fat lip, or c) an opened can of whoop a$$.
Mullets trump all. So, asking them if their mullet is real, is like walking up to their mother and telling her that she’s so fat, when she dances, the band skips. You are insulting the one thing they live for. And once you do this, all bets are off. You are in a vulnerable position; they’ve got the time and the motivation to do whatever they feel to the contents of your travel tote bag and they’ll do it.
If you do venture into this territory, here are a few things I suggest you keep in handy in your carry on bag, in order to protect yourself.
1. Something with the confederate flag on it. Anything. This will distract the “Mulleteer” mid-stride, and he’ll immediately think of you as his own. Seriously, a bandanna, a bumper sticker, a Duke’s of Hazard poster, anything will work.
2. Camero magazine. Once again, instant bond. If you can spout stats on a camero, specifically the T-Top, you’re golden.
3. Anything suggesting you own a bass boat.
4. A CB, with cord. Pull this baby out and start talking. They’ll instantly recognize it as their mother language and forget all the angst.
So, stay safe this holiday travel season and if you see a mullet, keep your mouth shut. Your face will appreciate it and so will your carry on bag, and the contents inside it.
This advice is brought to you from the Head Bag Lady at Durtbagz.com. Have a question for her? Email her here, firstname.lastname@example.org.