today, i felt like talking about mullets, or moo-leys, if you will.
being originally from southwest missouri, i know a thing or ten about mullets. for example, mullet fact #421: people who have a mullet don’t know they have one, yet everyone around them does.
since i felt the mullet bag could use some lovin’, i decided to make this top 10 list of people who have earned the right to carry this sacred durtbag. feel free to give the mullet bag to one of the following people on their next anniversary of being out of the clink.
10. this here’s randy. he’s had a mullet since he got hair. he likes to keep the top close and recently added the lines on each side after his neighbor friend, darla, told him she thought they were rad.
9. meet lionel. he likes a little more business and likes it uneven on top to give him the “used” look. lionel likes flipping through the latest taxidermy collectors mag and listening to other peoples’ conversations.
8. say hello to earl. he likes fast cars and looking like a loose woman. if you think his head looks like a mountain of pubs, that’s no mistake. yes, the curtains match the drapes.
7. you’re looking at bud. bud drives a camero with t-tops to let the party flow. bud has one rule: never leave home without the fanny pack. because where would you be without a pager, a comb, and a quick splash of aqua velva?
6. darlene wears her mullet like her clothes: sparse in all the right places. she likes arm wrestling for women and a clean, close shave.
5. in case you can’t tell, gene is a man’s man. and to prove it, he cut a chunk of his mullet and put it on his lip. if you gave gene the mullet durtbag, he’d carry his ‘stache comb in it.
4. trina has a unique mullet, i like to call “dead animal”. what you have here is your basic squirrell-fried-on-a-high-wire-landed-on-your-head-look, which is popular among her fellow truck drivers.
4. that’s jerry. wanting to just try out the mullet, he vowed not to cut his mullet until the cheifs have a winning season. his commitment to the chiefs is as obvious as the state he’s from (definitely the missouri side). in his durtbag, you’ll find a big foam finger, body paint, and a beer bong.
3. don’t let the bike fool you, petey is a huge son-of-a-gun. he calls it his magic bike because he claims it “shrinks” every time he gest on it. petey runs the drive-thru at that mickey d’s and dates kimmy, the “fry girl”. his durtbag contains hundreds of little ketchup packages.
2. this special mullet is aptly titled “mulletrimony”. (i wish i came up with that). dean promised to take as good of care of shauna as he does his mullet. which means she will eventually be dry and two different colors.
and the best person(s) to carry the durtbagz mullet bag…
1. give pat and chris a wave. this is kind of a “find 5 things wrong with this picture” type of deal. is it me, or is the red shirt dude wearing an engagement ring? subquestion: is it a dude? it’s rare when the mullet is the least weird thing in the photo. it’s anybody’s guess as to what in the hell they would put in their durtbagz. in fact, let’s not go there.
there you have it. these people have earned a durtbagz mullet bag. and then some.