this week, i’m talking about bad baby names. because let’s be honest, there are plenty of douchebag parents out there that think it’s cool to name their kids things like ‘bugzapper lampshade’ or whatever else happens to be in their line of sight when it’s time to name the thing.
i’ve picked the top 10 worst baby names that celebrities have chosen to use to ruin their kids’ lives before they even begin. these losers deserve to carry a baby is bored durtbag.
(also, these are not actual pictures of the babies named below. i just did a search for ugly babies…and over 17.5 million results popped up. yeah.)
10. Say hello to “Spec Wildhorse Mellencamp”. yeah, this is only the 10th worse name. obviously, john was pissed that they made him add “Cougar” to get famous.
9. Meet “Diva Muffin Zappa”. Diva actually hates trains. She was just being punished for taking the car without permission.
8. This is “Audio Science Clayton”. If Audio Science means “babies that look really old when they are born”, then these parents are dead on.
7. This thing is called “Seven Sirius Benjamin”. When I look at that face, all I see is pantyhose stretched over a bowling ball.
6. Meet “Fifi-Trixiebell Geldof”. Her parents were worried she was eating her binkie’s when they began disappearing. Turns out, she’s been storing them in her cheeks for later. There are nine in that right one.
5. This is Mr. “Phoenix Chi Gulzar”. In his Durtbag, he carries old skool Santana CD’s and a shaving kit.
4. Give a hello to “Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q Hewson”. His friends call him “EBPGQH” for short. His Durtbag is filled almost entirely with lip balm.
3. This is “Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily” which, coincidentally is a green and has pointy flowers.
2. As if you couldn’t tell, this is “Moxie Crimefighter Gillette”. Duh. Her Durtbag is FULL of those lace headbands and a monacle.
And the worst name is “Banjo Patrick Taylor”. Moobs or not, no one deserves Banjo.
Got any names you want to add?
(also, I know I have now doomed myself to having the ugliest baby on the earth, when that time comes. i’ll put their pic on here and we’ll have a contest for the best caption. so there.)