last week, i managed to wash a remote control and cook some popcorn on the potato setting, forever making our micro smell like burning. to sum up: i was on fire.
because of my embarrassing behavior, i’m featuring just one of my embarrassing Durtbagz. the pedestrian tripping funny street sign Durtbag, to be specific.
and in honor of this embarrassing bag, i’ve found nine people that have earned this Durtbag. nine people that have fallen in situations that are less than subtle. falling is funny. believe that.
9. i’ve seen this before, and the second fall never gets old. by the way, the cigarettes called, they want their laugh back.
8. news people, were you aware that your co-worker was actually a hound dog, disguised as a human, disguised as a news reporter? i think i caught a honk in there, too. great commentary at the end, “i think she’s actually hurt,” “yes, i think she is.” brilliant.
7. i don’t watch this show, but i think i speak for all of us when i say that this is an extremely serious situation. if you can’t handle these shoes, how in the world are you supposed to model? and if you don’t model, people will die.
6. that’ll teach you to wave your arms like you just don’t care.
5. oh right. like you couldn’t have seen this one coming a mile away. brilliant idea having a moving sidewalk on your stage. i would have thought someone from the block would have known better. watch it a couple of times, it gets funnier.
4. this is what you call karma for wearing ridonkulous shorts like that when you are 50 years old. your music stopped being good 15 years ago. which is why you had to move to london, where they apprecite trash pop and gapped teeth.
3. “I fell over like a twat” is the best recovery i’ve ever seen. also, jigs will get you.
2. if you find yourself going from “holy nose dive!” one second to “whoa, look at all that hair” the next… you’re not alone. note to self: the best way to make people forget you just ate it, is to wave your mane around like your life depends on it.
1. i always knew michelle was the whore of the group. and based on their reactions, looks like i was right. michelle, you are the clumsiest durtbag!
have you ever bit it at an unopportune moment and lived to tell the tale? share it! okay, i’ll go first.
three weeks ago, i was in vegas. i was playing pai gow at the mirage and after 2 or 10 drinks, i had to use the bathroom. i got up, walked to the end of our aisle of tables, and started walking across the main thorofare to get over to the restrooms. just as i round the corner, and hit the crowd, the front part of my flip-flop catches, and folds under the rest of my foot, as i step on it…causing me to launch myself a good two feet. and in front of about 50 other people. thankfully, i caught myself by waving my arms around a bunch. it was awsome. a couple of people clapped, and i waved at them. good times.