Posts Tagged ‘funny novelty shirts’

Some dude there is about to be the most popular guy in town. He just ordered a Durtbagz Triathlon shirt. He’ll probably get mobbed at the town diner tomorrow morning. Let him eat his eggs in peace, people.

So, as you have probably noticed, I’ve been rather MIA lately. There’s a reason for that.

Since starting Durtbagz.com, I’ve worked my arse off to get it off the ground. And by off the ground, I mean profitable. After almost two years of ridiculous set backs and working lame amounts of hours, I was completely burnt out. And still not profitable. And not in a happy place. Which is weird, because Durtbagz is all about being silly and fun. Well, working for free, with no profit in sight was not silly and fun.

So, I backed off.

I have a friend who’s a lawyer and real estate agent. We met in a tennis lesson and have been great friends since. We talk shop, while we play tennis, listening to each other and bouncing ideas off one another. It’s a pretty cool thing.

At the beginning of this year, she started complaining about how she couldn’t handle all of the business she was getting. She had quite a few listings and just didn’t have the time or manpower to handle all of the leads she was getting from her listings. She bitched about this problem for the next five months. I got tired of her bitching. And got tired of not having that problem.

In May, I called her and said, “I think I’m going to get my real estate license.” Her reply was, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Finally.” So, I did.

I’ve been doing real estate full-time since about late June. Turns out, I love it. I LOVE IT. And, I’m also really good at it.

This week, my friend and I are officially forming our team, iRealty. She is a short sale specialist and things are moving pretty fast towards being off the hook. Which, as the husband informed me, is bigger than off the chain, because as we all know, the chain is just a means to attach the hook. The hook is what you want.

I’m happy and I can already see my hard work paying off. I’ve got a buyer in escrow, as I write. I can see my paycheck, not far away. In two months, I’ve accomplished what I couldn’t in two years with Durtbagz. Am I quitting?


But I’m not doing it full-speed ahead, either.

I learned a lot, in the process of creating Durtbagz.com.

*I learned I do not like working online. I don’t like not seeing/talking to my clients in person. I do not like hiding behind a laptop all day.

*I also realized that I don’t like a lot of social media. I hate Twitter; I think it should be called, “I’ll tell you how awesome I am or some random BS to waste your time.” I use it for entertainment purposes for my real estate side when things happen like, my client saw a dead body while we were out looking at houses, one day. That’s a true story, btw.

*I only like Facebook for two reasons: 1. apparently I like seeing what others are doing, and 2. I definitely like catching up with people I haven’t seen in years. I think it’s cool to have a Durtbagz fanpage, but I still don’t feel like I’ve learned how to use it to communicate with you guys very well.

*This blog…this effing blog. Do you have any idea how much of a time suck this blog is? It takes min of an hour, usually two, for one freaking post. Not to mention the time it takes me to come up with a topic worth writing. Hence, the rare, random posts.

*The people. People associated with online stuff, like social media or online advertising, or SEO or website design/development are a different breed than me. I’m not saying it’s better or worse, but it’s different. I’ve met some great people in this industry, but for the most part, I’m dealing with a lot of folks who are still angry that they were a nerd in high school, even though they are smarter and now more wealthy/successful than the folks that made fun of them. There are a lot of those out there, and frankly, they aren’t my speed.

So what happens, now? I’ll keep doing this on the side until I can afford to hire someone to run it for me. At that point, the only responsibility I want is to come up with new signs, write a blog post or two, and thank our customers.

It feels good to recognize what I like and I don’t; my strengths and my weaknesses.

So, there’s that. I will write more blog posts; I won’t abandon it. I’ll try to make them funny, although I know I don’t always bring it. Durtbagz.com will continue, and someday, it will be a household name. Hopefully, I’ll be splitting my time between being a ski bum and golf, by the time.


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So, we’ve been out of town the last two weekends. Both places were full of exceptional people watching. Since I was saturated for two consecutive trips, I have a few tips to keep you looking Durtbagz-ish and not stupid-ish.

1. Men need sleeves. There’s just no way around it. Keep your sleeves, guys. Because without them, your pits are just crevasses of flab and hair.

2. Keds. Really? Keds? Here’s a rule of thumb: skinny shoes accentuate the cankles.

3. There’s only one thing worse than a perm and that’s a half grown-out perm.

4. Tucking your t-shirt into your jeans does not make it a dress shirt. There’s still no collar and I doubt number 8 (Old Dale) would have wanted his number that tight against your Bud belly, anyhow.

5. I can’t even believe we still have to cover this one: fanny packs. You people are got dam killing me with this. First off, if I told you I had a craptastic fashion accessory that was a) ugly, b) inefficient, and c) added weight to your belly, (since none of you actually wear fanny packs on your fanny), you’d never buy it. Yet, you did. Millions of you did.

Since that’s not really advice, it’s just me being snarky about people looking stupid, here’s some real advice.

Know someone who uses a belly-fanny pack? Buy them their very own Durtbag!!! They are proven to shave 9″ off of you waste and can carry 47 times the amount of a fanny pack.

Or, what about your neighbor who has managed to go sleeveless for the entire winter? Send him a subliminal message and put a Durtbagz t-shirt in his mailbox. Hairy, flabby pits GONE. Just like that.

The Keds I can do nothing about.

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I’m not convinced.

I’m not convinced we’ve discovered the piece we need to complete and compliment this weird street sign.

See, this street sign is hilarious on it’s own, and whatever we add to it, has to enhance it. (Am I the only one that thinks of a girl with a boob job every time I hear “enhance”?). It has to go from incredible to ridonkulous.

The husband wanted me to just do the shirt with the sign, as-is. It’s already been done; I saw it in a couple of episodes of “Weeds” last season. Dang it! I’m not a copycat; I’m a Durtbag. So, we must continue to think.

I need ideas that are weird and unexpected. What the heck are these people running from?!?! A huge kitt-eh? A giant garden gnome?

OR what the heck are they flocking to? This can go either way, you know. A 24-hour, all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet? A building that just says “MASSAGE” on it? Lord knows, that place is a family affair.

People, I’ve come up with almost 30 signs on my own, before this. I think the least you can do is help me finish one. I mean, seriously, you act like I sit around and come up with signs all day. And maybe I do. But that’s neither here, nor there. I could still use the help.

Think harder, Durtbagz. If you can read this, you have a brain. If you have brain, you have a pulse. If you have a pulse, you can help me finish this got dam weird street sign.

The search continues…

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I have to say, I’m impressed with not just the amount of suggestions for this sign, but also for the quality of the suggestions. Well done, people.

I figured, since you had done your job and thrown out more than a few suggestions, I should at least throw you a bone and tell you which ones are in the running to be voted. What is that, you say? I’m having you vote again? Heck yes.

Here’s the deal, people. I make funny bags and novelty shirts at Durtbagz.com, FOR YOU. How can I know what to make, if you don’t tell me? You tell me what you like, I make it, you get it. It’s a win-win-win-win. Win.

These suggestions were given to me either on the last blog post or via Twitter, (@durtbagz if you want to follow me). I have compiled them, and picked my top choices.

So, here are the suggestions that I like, that you get to vote on for finishing this street sign:


1. Running With Scissors (will put scissors in each of their hands. scissors will be exaggerrated so they are obvious)

2. Giant Vegetable (huge piece of broccoli, celery or peapod will be chasing people)

3. Giant Lobster (same as above, except lobster)

4. Pac Man (same as above, except Pac Man. maybe a ms. pac man…)

5. Giant Cow (same as above, except a cow. big, big cow)

6. Huge Walking Bar of Soap (so weird, it’s awesome)

7. Giant Wiener Dog (although, I don’t know if the sign is long enough…)

Okay people, once again, it is your duty as Durtbagz to choose your fate and finish this weird street sign.

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Wow. I asked you to help me pick the next weird street signs for Durtbagz, and you answered.

Latest Weird Street Signs at Durtbagz.com

Latest Weird Street Signs at Durtbagz.com

I hear you. Loud and clear.

Because of the seriousness of the lopsided vote, I’m changing the rules a little bit.

I know I said I’d be printing the top two winners. I lied. I’m only printing the triathlon sign because the vote was ridonculous.

So, you win. Triathlon shirts and bags will be available at Durtbagz.com next Wednesday. Boo. Yeah.

However, since I did say I wanted to print two signs, I am working on the second one. If you haven’t heard, I need your help finishing this sign. So, keep up the good work, and help me complete that sign, so we can get it rolling, too.

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I need your help again, Durtbagz. See, the last vote we had was so lop-sided that I’m only going to print the sign that won, since it got 72% of the vote.

I was wondering why it was so drastic, until I realized that the other signs just weren’t that good. I know I can do better. I will do better. I’m 50% there, I just need you guys to finish it, so we can call it one of our own weird street signs.

This is the sign I’m working with:

What are we running from?

What are we running from?

The 50% that is missing, is the thing that is chasing them. What are they runing from? So far, we (me and some Twitter folk) have come up with a) a gigantic, crawling baby and b) Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and c) a giant cow.

I like these ideas and I want more to choose from, before deciding the final cut. Here is the criteria:

-Must be something you would not normally run from

-Must be something that looks weird, being gigantic

Leave your idears in the comments and then we’ll put them to a vote. You guys are great at voting. Nice work.

Bring the funny, people.

Head Bag Lady

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