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Posts Tagged ‘unusual gifts’

in case you were wondering, yes, valentine’s is fake. also it’s the worst holiday ever fakely invented.

i feel like i’m a pretty good gift giver and i sell lots of durtbagz gear to people giving it to others as unusual gifts. which pretty much makes me the expert on funny gift ideas, no matter the occasion. fake holidays are no exception.

as an expert, it is my duty to give you the list of appropriate valentine’s day gifts worth giving.

first up: ELECTRONIC YODELING PICKLE

what’s not to like about this? nothing. i also think it would make a great 4th of july gift.

next: BACON BANDAGES

Don't eat it, there's a scab under there.

Don’t eat it, there’s a scab under there.

as the advertisement says, “why purchase a pathetic Band-Aid or paltry Curad, when you can put some pork on your punctured pinky?” i can’t answer that.

third: RACING GRANNIES

Where are the tennis balls?

Where are the tennis balls?

if you’ve got time to waste, and obviously you do if you’re reading this, why not waste it watching these to grannies go at it? ill…let’s rephrase that. why not watch these two grannies get it on? belch…let’s try one more. why not watch these grannies race their walkers for no reason at all?

fourth: NEW DURTBAGZ ZOMBIES SHIRT

I see dead people. Available soon on Durtbagz.com. t-shirt only.

I see dead people. Available soon on Durtbagz.com. t-shirt only.

yes, nothing says fake love like a zombie crossing t-shirt from durtbagz. zombies, like durtbagz, are everywhere and it’s time we respected that. by wearing a super comfy t-shirt with this ridiculous sign on it. end of plug.

lastly: HOBO BEANS

Wait a second...these aren't beans!?!?

Wait a second...these aren't beans!?!?

wow, if you really want to get somebody good, i mean really trick someone with the ultimate prank, give ’em these. they’ll think they’re eating little, hard-covered beans, one-by-one, straight out of the can, like you typically eat a can of beans. but no! they’re not beans, they’re candy!!! unless they’re the next einstein, they’ll never see this one coming and you’ll be crowned the next ultimate prankster. watch out ashton, we’ve got bean candy!

what’s the best valentine’s day gift you’ve ever received? and by best, i mean lamest. spill it.

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If you can survive it, you can win it.

If you can survive it, you can win it!

i can’t be the only one who would swim as fast as possible out of the deep end, on every lap, during swim practice, you know, because of the sharks. they weren’t in the shallow end,  just the deep. um, i was seven and they were real.

anyway, this is the new design that is going to go on shirts.  i’ll sell the t-shirts on the durtbagz.com, and at wholesale, to tri-sport training/gear shops. i’m going to work with the shops on different options for shirts to print.

my cousin gave me the heads-up, after her tri coach kept telling her how much she liked her durtbagz gear. her coach asked if i did anything for tri-sports because she was interested in selling it at her store. um, okay, i can do that.

i’m excited to sell wholesale and try something different to get the sales going. to be blunt: people ain’t buying shit right now.

i don’t sell the bagz wholesale because the pricing doesn’t work. i print such small quantities, that i can’t sell them at a lower rate than i sell to you guys. since most retail outlets aren’t exactly interested in selling things for 0% mark-up, that leaves me out of the wholesale business for bags.

but not for shirts. those i print in much larger quantities because i sell something like 6-1 shirts to bagz. boo yeah. wholesale.

if you’re interested in an tri-sign shirt or know someone who would be, hollar at me. (that’s missouri for let me know).

PS. also, i’m working on a zombie sign.

PSS. and i will draw a name for the shirt this week. so you still have time to share your decent mom blogs with me.

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